It’s a mind virus that strikes on December 3rd every year.
I’m referring to the “new year, new me” illusion.
Let’s explore the illusion and why it is so damaging for creating long-lasting change in many people\’s lives.
The Heart-breaking Illusion
Every year, many people around the world will attempt to transform their life because of the date January 1st.
They’re waiting for some arbitrary date in an arbitrary calendar as a trigger for some important life-change.
And they’re setting themselves up for failure.
And it’s heart-breaking because, year after year, they never seem to learn.
Shattering the Illusion
If you’re identifying as one of the people above, then, firstly, I want to congratulate you on reading this far and not moving onto something more comforting. If you\’re new here, please be assured that you will find comfort and inspiration in the actionable takeaways I provide at the end.
So please, stick with me.
Instead of the illusion breaking our hearts, let’s break the illusion.
Humans are social animals. Going along with what the majority is doing fills a fundamental need for us to be connected.
Breaking away from the majority feels uncomfortable. That\’s why most people continue along with the comfortable but underwhelming “new year, new me” illusion.
However, if you’re tired of abandoning your goals by February 2nd each year, you can’t stick with what the average person does and expect a different result.
Real Connection, Real Results
So far, I’ve spun a pretty grim tale about making changes in your life. Fortunately, there are some easy fixes.
I mentioned that the illusion above is powerful because it taps into our need for connection. However, you can build a real sense of connection if you reached out to a friend and told them that you want to mutually support each other in getting to your goals. Let\’s call this friend your goal buddy.
It doesn’t have to be complicated. For example, I might reach out to Midas and say “I want to actually achieve my goals this year. Are you in?”
Buddy Pacts
Also, it\’s not a given that your goals need to be annual. A year is a long time and circumstances change. You don\’t need to commit to goals nor my suggestions for a year to get results. I have found three month (quarterly) goals to be my sweet spot.
Discuss what a suitable time frame looks like with your goal buddy. Maybe you decide on monthly goals.
It’s also ok if you decide that yearly goals are the most appropriate for you and your buddy. The key is that you\’re intentionally designing your goals rather than accepting the underwhelming majority default.
Once you have agreed on the timeframe, work out how often you want to meet with each other and talk about your goals. For example, you may say “Let’s meet on the first Tuesday of every month for the next three months.”
During these check-ins, you can talk about your wins, insights and what you\’re going to do different until you meet next. With two people, the meeting will likely take less than 30 minutes to catch up on a month\’s worth of progress.
Why This Works
The above practices leverage the idea of accountability. When pursuing a goal, you\’re answerable only to yourself. However, the seemingly minor commitment of showing up at a regular time to report your progress to someone else provides a refreshing jolt of motivation to get you started and keep up momentum.
At the same time, you\’re likely building deeper connections with your buddy. Sharing your challenges in making changes comes from a place of vulnerability and vulnerability allows the roots of your connection to grow deeper.
So, with these simple practices, you can better achieve your goals, build stronger connections with your friends and gain excellent street cred for going against the norms.
Hope things are feeling less grim now. Let\’s talk about putting this into action.
Takeaways:
🔨 find your goal buddies: find a friend or three and tell them that you\’re deliberately not setting a New Year\’s Resolution. You may want to forward them this email or recap in your own words to provide some context (and tell them to subscribe if they haven\’t already 😉 ).
🔨 support your buddies: with your new posse, set a date where you will catch up with each other and discuss your goals for an agreed period. Set a frequency that you\’re all comfortable with (e.g. every first Tuesday of the month for the next three months).
🔨 reflect together: at the end of the agreed period, reflect with your goal buddies and share wins, insights and perspectives on how to improve your approach. Set new goals, tweak as required, rinse and repeat.
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