We’ve normalised something bizarre about digital communication. Every ping, buzz, and notification gets treated like an urgent task demanding immediate attention. Every message becomes a pressure point, building anxiety until we clear it with the quickest possible response.
“Good, hbu?”
“Thanks, you too!”
“Sounds good!”
We’ve created an assembly line of human connection, optimised for speed rather than meaning. And in doing so, we’ve lowered the bar so dramatically that the smallest bit of genuine attention feels revolutionary.
The Illusion of Connectivity
Here’s what’s happened: We can interact with people fairly easily now by commenting or reacting to someone’s content, giving us the feeling we’re connected to them. We see their updates, they see ours. We exchange likes and brief comments. It feels like connection.
But when it actually counts – when we need support, want genuine feedback, or even just ask for a simple favour – people often don’t step up. The illusion of connectivity crumbles the moment we need real connection.
This made me realise: We’re treating our conversations like items on a todo list rather than opportunities for genuine connection.
The Inbox as Pressure Cooker
In this model, every unanswered message becomes a task building pressure. The solution? Respond as quickly as possible with the least effort required. Or not at all (which creates its own problems).
A vicious cycle gains momentum. Quick, shallow responses train both sides that depth isn’t expected or valued. We start anticipating surface-level exchanges, so we deliver surface-level exchanges.
But here’s the thing: Your inbox is not a todo list.
Those messages aren’t tasks to be cleared – they’re invitations to connect with other humans. And treating them like administrative work is robbing you of genuine relationship-building opportunities.
What Changes When You Slow Down
I’ve developed a different approach entirely. Unless someone specifically tells me it’s time-sensitive, I reply at my convenience. In all my “inboxes,” I have a way of marking a message as “I’ll reply later”:
- WhatsApp: starring a message
- Slack: save for later
- Gmail: labels for action, reply_later, read_later
- Signal: anything answered gets archived, everything else stays in inbox
This system lets me respond thoughtfully rather than frantically. And here’s what I’ve discovered: The quality of my relationships has improved dramatically.
When I take time to craft a response that references our previous conversation or acknowledges something specific about their situation, people notice. They feel seen. And the depth of our subsequent interactions increases exponentially.
The beautiful irony? It’s actually easier to be thoughtful in digital communication because you can simply scroll up to see what you were talking about before. The context is right there.
The Gift of Authentic Outreach
When someone reaches out authentically, seeking genuine connection rather than checking a box, it’s a gift. But we’ve become so accustomed to superficial exchanges that we often miss these moments entirely.
Recently, someone messaged me referencing a specific post I’d written about organic thinking, saying it had made them smile and given them hope. That message stood out like a beacon compared to the dozens of “How are you?” messages I receive weekly.
The difference? They’d taken the tiny extra effort to be specific, to show they’d actually engaged with something I’d shared. It transformed a routine exchange into a moment of genuine connection.
Three Simple Shifts
You don’t need to overhaul your entire communication style. Start with these three changes:
1. Audit Your Notifications Think about the push notifications on your phone. How many do you really need? If you don’t read an email within an hour, will your life go off the rails? If not, silence it and make a point of triaging your inbox in the evening instead of throughout the day.
2. Recognise the Gift When someone reaches out authentically, seeking to connect rather than just maintaining contact, understand that it’s a gift. Respond in kind rather than defaulting to your usual shortcuts.
3. Do the Low-Lift Scroll Before responding to someone, take the tiny extra effort to scroll up and see what you were talking about before. Reference that conversation. Show that you remember them as a person rather than just another notification.
The Transformation
This isn’t about responding to more messages or being available more often. It’s about recognising that every message is a choice between shallow efficiency and meaningful connection.
When you stop treating your inbox like a todo list and start seeing it as an opportunity for genuine human connection, everything changes. Your relationships deepen. People feel more seen. And you rediscover the joy in actually connecting with others rather than just managing communications.
The bar is so low right now that even the smallest genuine effort feels extraordinary. Which means you have an incredible opportunity to stand out simply by showing up as a real person in your digital interactions.
Your inbox isn’t a task list. It’s a collection of humans reaching out. Treat it accordingly.