Humans can be hard work.
a cosmic joke
Relationships can be one of the most rewarding but also most costly parts of a rich and fulfilling life.
And it seems to be a cosmic joke that the deeper we love, the greater the depth of any potential hurt, or betrayal
So it pays to be intentional about relationships. Primarily, that means remembering why we’re together especially when things get challenging.
Intentionality also means knowing when a relationship has run its course and making a graceful exit that honours the roles we played in that season of our lives together.
the person you want to be
A lot of the techniques I discuss in From Dilemmas to Decisions are applicable here, but I thought I would show you some other interesting prompts for making decisions specific to relationships.
Here’s one from Dr Nicole LaPera:
“Assuming nothing changes, can I be the person I want to be in this relationship?“
an example from my life
For example, I want to be the kind of person that enthusiastically helps people, especially when it’s hard. I love knowing that I did something hard to make someone’s life easier.
I remember I was in a relationship where it felt like my willingness to help was taken for granted.
Because I was so willing to help, I think the other person thought I had nothing better to do with my time.
It’s like they thought I was sitting at home, waiting to for them to summon me like a genie waiting to fulfill their wishes.
As a result, my willingness to help was taken for granted.
Assuming this pattern stayed constant, I would likely become resentful or apathetic.
And resentment and apathy would probably make me a less generous person.
Definitely not the person I want to be.
It was clear that this relationship was not nurturing the person I wanted to be.
and how did that work out?
In this case, it can be easy to blame the other person: taking someone for granted is a poor way to relate to them, especially if they go out of their way to make your life easier.
But also, I need to take responsibility to decide to stay in the relationship or exit.
So, I exited, right?
Unfortunately, I stayed.
Until they ended it.
Ouch.
Yeah, I literally wrote the book on decision-making, but I still get it wrong sometimes.
But it’s only a true failure if I don’t learn from it.
And, via a process of noting down the decision, reflecting on it and integrating the insights, I feel like I have.
Bring on the next relationship challenge, I say!
more relationship decisions
This is simply one tool to use when navigating relationship decisions. Over the next few editions, I will be delivering my hard won lessons on relationship decisions straight to your inbox.
If you have decision making tools your would like to share or simply want to tell me what you think of the new season for the newsletter, please hit reply and let me know!
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