“ditch it” – the best advice from an accountability partner

Walking away from something you’ve invested months, or years, in is hard. But it can be the smartest move you’ll ever make—especially when an accountability partner can cut through your blind spots.

Back in 2014, I took a bet on building a Facebook integration called FriendWeb. The idea was simple: solve that universal problem of friendships fading in your late 20s.

Y’know, when life starts getting busy?

I had convinced myself that FriendWeb was the idea that would unshackle me from a salary and be my ticket to financial independence.

the awkward, but enlightening conversation

Cue to a conversation with a friend:

“So, how is that app you’re developing?”

“Oh…it’s going well.”

“You’ve got active paying users?”

“Well, no. But it works for me.”

“Uh-huh”

The silence was deafening.

This is what it told me:

“You started building this thing to speed up your financial independence. And now you have sunk an extra month more than you planned and have very little to show for it.”

Uh huh indeed!

when an accountability partner slaps

That weekend, when I did my weekly review, it was evident that something needed to change. I had been too focused on adding cool new features to a cool little idea that wasn’t moving me closer to my goal.

That was my first taste of accountability.

Though I didn’t call it that at the time.

At the time, it felt like a slap in the face.

what often goes wrong with accountability

Here’s a different way of thinking about accountability partners: they aren’t just cheerleaders. An accountability partner that pushes you forward no matter what is dangerous.

Sure, you may be motivated. But you might be motivated in the wrong direction.

You might even end up further away from your goal than when you started.

Accountability partners need to be prepared to be truth-tellers. For example, things will inevitably get tough. Having someone to tell you “You planned for this, stay the course” is helpful. I go into this more in the “Friendly Guard” section of From Dilemmas to Decisions .

They also need to know when to pull you back.

your personal BS detector

Rewind to the previous conversation. My friend didn’t ask about new features or technical challenges. Instead, they implicitly asked the one question I was avoiding:

“Is this actually moving you toward financial independence?”

This was an uncomfortable but crucial question.

Because if the answer was “no.” That opened up a whole new can of discomfort:

The discomfort of applying for jobs and not hearing anything back.

The discomfort of working for a salary to make someone else rich.

Knowing that I had many months-worth of emotional investment. And now, the discomfort of knowing all that emotional investment yielded $0.

It didn’t take much for my friend to show me that I was probably working hard in the wrong direction.

In this case, all they had to do was say “uh-huh” (and I think I detected an eye-roll micro-expression too!)

where to find an accountability partner

It’s important to be able to trust accountability partners that will pull us back. This strengthens our trust in them when they push us forward.

Accountability relationships can give much needed support. This is especially the case on ambitious and uncomfortable but important projects.

But, how do you know if someone would be a good accountability partner? Here are some signs:

1. Someone who’s called you out on your BS before (and you’re still friends)

2. A person who asks uncomfortable questions. Especially if they do it in a way that feels friendly and non-confrontational.

3. Someone who’s both supported your dreams and questioned your choices

4. A friend who values your long-term growth over your short-term comfort

And, if you’re wondering how all this might work, I have something for you. I am creating a community of ambitious individuals. We are supporting each other through uncomfortable bouts of growth and sharing successes.

For more details, check this out

Because sometimes, “just ditch it” isn’t giving up. It’s growing up.

P.S. Want to dive deeper into making better decisions? Check out my book “From Dilemmas to Decisions

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